Recently, when I was discussing my holiday plans with my parents about visiting a place alone or with my (male) friends, they said I couldn’t go alone or with my friends. Though I knew they were disinterested in allowing me to go with my friends, I had asked them why they disliked the idea. My father tried to do away with the situation by saying “I hope you understand.” Because I wasn’t sure of what he actually meant, I asked him, again. He told me that “you are a girl, you should understand.” By then, I had understood that if I dig deep into the issue, it will get dirty. And, therefore I shut my mouth and left the place.
The whole point behind a big “NO” was about a caring father being worried about his daughter. Simple as it sounds, the complexity in it is about his daughter’s virginity. Yes, VIRGINITY.
This point got me thinking about the issue further. Though I come from a god-fearing family where issues like sexuality etc are discussed openly among each other, sex before marriage still remains a taboo. And, while you are reading this, you have to remember that my parents believe that their daughter is a virgin.
Though the point here is not about my virginity, but virginity in general. Losing one’s virginity is one’s choice. But, women losing their virginity are spoken about a LOT. And, sometimes, called sluts. (for god’s sake its their choice) For instance: If there’s a girl named A who is having sex with a man for the first time (which means she is losing her virginity), what if she tells her friends (if asked) that she is not a virgin. After that, the poor girl who enjoyed the experience with the man, is bombarded with 1000 questions from various people who start judging her. Why do we have to judge her about her personal experiences and life?
But, the same doesn’t happen with men. If a MAN loses his virginity, its not so big or just not a matter of consideration, unless he wants to make it BIG (Pun intended). And, the sooner (the younger) the woman/girl looses her virginity, she is seen as “someone who sleeps with everyone” or tagged as “characterless” etc. While the man is not even talked about in this case. In fact, the contrary happens, he is viewed as someone “powerful”.
And, if the man, before having sex with a virgin (girl), gets to know that she is a virgin, it is a boost to his ego and gives him a feeling like “Yeah! I’m the one who is going to nail her” and that’s when whole male-chauvinist theory comes alive (in BED). And, the poor girl is, however, nailed!!
Why is “girls losing virginity” such a big deal? Why is it that the same doesn’t apply to men? Why do we think that women become “characterless” and men become “powerful” once they lose their virginity?
Even this, is one of the several ways in which women are discriminated, exploited, harassed (mentally), irrespective of what situation they go through.
Well, just give it a thought. That’s the whole point behind writing this.
And if you think, the WEST has influenced me, NO! The Indian society’s influence has gone beyond limits in my case. I also am an Indian, a woman who thinks differently, who questions (may be not everything) but at least something which (I feel) is quixotic.