Women, men and Virginity!!!!

Recently, when I was discussing my holiday plans with my parents about visiting a place alone or with my (male) friends, they said I couldn’t go alone or with my friends. Though I knew they were disinterested in allowing me to go with my friends, I had asked them why they disliked the idea. My father tried to do away with the situation by saying “I hope you understand.”  Because I wasn’t sure of what he actually meant, I asked him, again. He told me that “you are a girl, you should understand.”  By then, I had understood that if I  dig deep into the issue, it will get dirty. And, therefore I shut my mouth and left the place.

The whole point behind a big “NO” was about a caring father being worried about his daughter. Simple as it sounds, the complexity in it is about his daughter’s virginity. Yes, VIRGINITY. 
This point got me thinking about the issue further. Though I come from a god-fearing family where issues like sexuality etc are discussed openly among each other, sex before marriage still  remains a taboo. And, while you are reading this, you have to remember that my parents believe that their daughter is a  virgin.
Though the point here is not about my virginity, but virginity in general. Losing one’s virginity is one’s choice. But, women losing their virginity are spoken about a LOT. And, sometimes, called sluts. (for god’s sake its their choice)  For instance: If there’s a girl named A who is having sex with a man for the first time (which means she is losing her virginity), what if she tells her friends (if asked) that she is not a virgin. After that, the poor girl who enjoyed the experience with the man, is bombarded with 1000 questions from various people who start judging her. Why do we have to judge her about her personal experiences and life?
But, the same doesn’t happen with men. If a MAN loses his virginity, its not so big or just not a matter of consideration, unless he wants to make it BIG (Pun intended). And, the sooner (the younger) the woman/girl looses her virginity, she is seen as “someone who sleeps with everyone” or tagged as “characterless” etc. While the man is not even talked about in this case. In fact, the contrary happens, he is viewed as someone “powerful”. 
And, if the man, before having sex with a virgin (girl), gets to know that she is a virgin, it is a boost to his ego and gives him a feeling like  “Yeah! I’m the one who is going to nail her” and that’s when whole male-chauvinist theory comes alive (in BED). And, the poor girl is, however, nailed!! 
Why is “girls losing virginity” such a big deal? Why is it that the same doesn’t apply to men? Why do we think that women become “characterless” and men become “powerful” once they lose their virginity? 
Even this, is one of the several ways in which women are discriminated, exploited, harassed (mentally), irrespective of what situation they go through.   
Well,  just give it a thought. That’s the whole point behind writing this. 
And if you think, the WEST has influenced me, NO! The Indian society’s influence has gone beyond limits in my case. I also am an Indian, a woman who thinks differently, who questions (may be not everything) but at least something which (I feel) is quixotic.
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8 thoughts on “Women, men and Virginity!!!!

  1. Awesome!!!!
    to begin with you have just vented your best post ever.
    Virginity is a very sensitive issue especially for girls i understand
    as we live in a very orthodox society
    i agree with you that a guy is not as much as looked down as much as a girl on loosing virginity.
    When a guy does it he is called STUD when a girl does it she is called a SLUT these double standards do exist unfortunately
    But you know why is so despised on such things because she is considered as a symbol of goodness and greatness and when and when the good things do something 'forbidden' they are hated more than the man who is normally considered bad and strong

    Keep it up girl very well you wrote it.

  2. Firstly HAHAHAHA to the PUN INTENDED at BIG 😛 …

    I believe society in general will never have the same standards for women and men. Much as you might have a boss who is female and who is more educated than you will ever be. IF she is found sipping beer with a man at a bar, the whole office will start calling her a slut before you know it.
    I think our parents believe every male friend of ours is waiting to get into our pants.
    Virginity is not morality but the lack of opportunity- a saying I read long long back.

    Sex is always going to be at the back of our mind. Until we think our parents, friends and other people can deal with it .. I think we should let it lie there.

    Lovely post babe :D:D:D

  3. Hey

    Good one, you just reminded of a very similar article i read form the Indian association newsletter here in my university and it was written by a girl student studying here.Will send you that one if I can find it.

    But I do think its gonna take maybe 2 more generations to get people to accept women sexuality as equal or more open.(actually it might take a little longer).

  4. Great topic. I have myself been itching to write on the same but refrained myself owing to “writer's block.”
    You have raised some significant points.
    Would like to add something to it.
    I have always wondered about the vocabulary used with respect to virginity.
    Virginity is always “lost”, when, ironically, one has only “gained” (experience, if not anything else).
    That this is seen as a prized possession that is “lost” when one has intercourse soeaks volumes about societal fears, insecurities and perceptions, regardless of the sex/gender of the person in question.
    And the word 'slut'.
    *sigh*
    SO overused post Slut Walk madness.
    Dono why but I've always loved being associated with that word. Gives me a kick. #Confession
    Cheers! 😀

  5. Good one true that people highlight girls loosing their virginity before getting married and often overlook men who were involved with the girl. but again time is changing.
    society is becoming more responsible and i see that change.

    “” the contrary happens, he is viewed as someone “powerful”.””

    Dont agree with the above point totally.

    The line might be Valid amongst most of the people but not all. Again Educated, civilized people and families and specially youngsters dont see it the way as mentioned.
    If a guy looses his Virginity before marriage he gets Equal compliments(negative ones) as a girl would receive.

    But no one calls a man powerful after he in indulged in having sex. (SUCH TIME is gone)

  6. Earlier in India people are not aware of condom and other medicines which can prevent the pregnancy of a women. Thats why our ancestors took lots of care regarding the virginity of a women than a man, because they had a fear of “increase in population”so they put lots of restriction on women.

    but today we have condom and other medicine, so people will change soon.
    and i too know that people will not change soon, it requires frank writers like you.
    i think you found something sense in my comment, our ancestors not did anything for joke, All have scientific base,just need careful observation to understand.
    i am leaving my comment to encourage you to continue writing..
    ALL THE BEST

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